Say What You Do and Do What You Say

When going through a divorce where children are involved, some guidelines can be followed to help the transition for the children. Research shows that children in homes with a unified parenting approach have greater well-being.

Commit to open dialogue with your children. You should always say what you are going to do. For example, if you plan on picking your child up for an unscheduled visit, there should be open dialogue prior to the visit. Always do what you say you are going to do. NEVER plan a visit or outing and not show up. 

Make sure co-parenting also means open dialogue with your Ex. Arrange agreeable communication through email, texting, voicemail, letters or face to face conversation. Shared calendars are a great way for all involved to have a clear picture of what is going on with the children at all times. Share information as soon as it becomes available to you.

Rules should be consistent and agreed upon at both households to avoid confusion with the children. Children thrive on routine and structure. Meal times, bed time, and completing chores should be consistent as well as school work. No matter where your child/children is, he or she should know that certain rules will be enforced. This will avoid the children pinning one parent against another.

Commit to positive conversation around the house regarding your Ex. Make it a rule to frown upon your children talking disrespectfully to or about your Ex even though it may be music to your ears. 

Agree on boundaries and behavioral guidelines for raising your children so that there’s consistency in their lives, regardless of which parent they are with at any given time. Punishments should be equal at both homes. If the child is grounded at one home, that punishment should be followed at the other home as well.

Recognize that co-parenting will challenge you – the reason for making accommodations in your parenting style is 100% for the needs of your child/children. 

Be aware that children will frequently test boundaries and rules, especially if there’s a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. This is why a united

It may be difficult but make sure that you and your Ex keep each other informed about all changes in your life. It is important that your child is never the primary source of information.

Each parent plays an important role in the child/children’s lives. Remember to recognize the different traits you and your Ex have – and reinforce this awareness with your children.

Call us today to schedule your mediation. We can help you and your Ex-Spouse come up with a plan.